


good girls, hopeful they'll be and long will they wait

by American_Pandora



Series: all the silhouettes you've made [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Abuse, Corporal Punishment, F/M, Gen, Lannister!Myrcella, Lannister!Tommen, Multi, Murder, Twin!Myrcella, Twin!Tommen, Violence against Children, good mom!Lysa, mentions of violence against women, so AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/American_Pandora/pseuds/American_Pandora
Summary: "Do you remember the Tully Family words?Family. Duty. Honor.Remember, family before everything. You're as much a trout as a lion, there's as much blue in your veins as gold. You two must be each other's strengths."





	1. Gentle Mother, font of mercy

**Author's Note:**

> An extremely AU AU where Myrcella is Tywin & Lysa Tully's daughter and Tommen's her twin. Rhaegar sits the throne, he has his Visenya, and things are still Westerosi style terrible. This takes place in my howl to the sun AU, but you don't have to read that to understand this.

Her half sister hates her for getting the Prince she didn't, but by the time Myrcella is officially betrothed to Aegon, even if it is only to be his second wife, she doesn't care, because she has finally beaten her sister at _something_.

Cersei had hung over her like a shadow her whole life, a particularly foul one, and she is tired of ghosts and wants only to see the sun. 

Maybe now people will compare Cersei to _Myrcella_ instead of Myrcella being compared to _Cersei_.

There was no love between her mother and father- not like there had been between Tywin and Joanna, Cersei had taken joy in reminding Myrcella. 

It was mostly just petty insults and teasing and the reminding of that fact, even though Cersei was married to Jon Arryn (the poor man) and mother to a son, Robert, who they all called Robin and who was _two years older than her_ ; her older sister is also mother to a boy three years younger than Myrcella named Joffrey, who Cersei positively dotes upon in a way she doesn't with Robin. When visiting Casterly Rock (too often for Myrcella's taste) Cersei would often enter a room, see her little sister and exclaim the smell of fish was too strong for her to stand before leaving. She was told she wasn't Lannister enough, according to her _beloved_ older sister- she has blue-green orbs, a combination of Lannister green and Tully blue that she thinks looks like the sea on a warm day, and a coppery orange glow occasionally reflects off her head in the sun; not like Cersei, who was all unfairly gold and emerald. 

* * *

Mother dies when she and Tommen are five; her cause of death is curious, a spectacle the older servants still talk of when they're sure Tywin won't hear. (The younger ones have the fear of God- there are no Gods at Casterly Rock but Tywin Lannister- put into them by the man, should they even _think_ to question the official events about that night.) 

Lysa Tully Lannister's body is found in a courtyard of The Rock, a curious distance from the balcony outside her bedroom. Not far enough for her to definitely have jumped with suicidal purpose, throughout the years Myrcella hears of suspicious marks found on Mother's body, marks on her hands like she'd been fighting and bruises shaped like fingers on her slim neck.

Myrcella is sure someone killed her mother. Whether it was Cersei- who hated Lysa Tully Lannister enough to have done it- or Father, because he hadn't loved Mother like he'd loved Joanna and could not stand her anymore, she does not know. She never asks too much, either, for she is afraid of the answer. 

All Myrcella knows is that, the night before Mother's body is found, Mother rouses her and Tom out of bed, orders Nurse Currel to carry her sleepy brother as Mother carries her even though they're far old enough to walk themselves, and hides the three of them in a copse behind a tapestry, facing a window. 

_"If I don't come back tonight, take them to Cat, to Winterfell if you can, and Riverrun if you cannot." Mother tells their Nurse, voice shakier and skin paler than normal, eyes rimmed in red, "You're not to come up until the sun reaches you here. You have the jewels, the letter? Do you understand me?" The last sentence is harsher than Mother has ever spoken and Myrcella is scared._

_Nurse nods. "Of course, my lady. Worry not, the Gods will see justice done tonight."_

_Mother's mouth is a flat line. "Haven't you heard the servants, Currel? There is only one God in Casterly Rock, and his name is Tywin Lannister."_

_Mother had descended on her and Tommen then, hugging them until they couldn't breath. "I love you, my babies, I love you I love you I wanted you so much and I'm sorry you don't have more brothers or sisters to love you. Promise you'll take care of each other always, won't you? Do you remember the Tully Family words? **Family. Duty. Honor.** Remember, family before everything. You're as much a trout as a lion, there's as much blue in your veins as gold. You two must be each other's strengths." Mother is openly weeping now. _

_Tommen reaches forward, pudgy hand yet unused to the weight of a sword on her cheek. "Mama, why do you cry?"_

_Myrcella felt Mother try to smile (and fail) as she kissed their foreheads. "I cry because I must be brave, my loves, and sometimes that is hard. But I must do it, because I am a Tully, and sometimes, to do one's duty or honor, it is tough. But we do it for family anyway."_

_And then Mother was gone, replaced by the back of the red and gold tapestry. Nurse Currel takes them both in her large, soft arms and though she struggles to stay awake, a hymn to The Mother puts her to sleep._

_"...Gentle Mother, font of Mercy..."_

(She never knows if she dreams just the single, piercing scream.)


	2. oh, brother,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was sat upon his knee like Father would never let her do and Myrcella was struck by the sensation of Jaime looking at her. Really, _truly_ looking at her, looking through her, and to this day she's never quite sure if she measured up, if he'd found what he was looking for.

For all that Cersei and Myrcella fight like lionesses trying to be the alpha female, there is no one in the world she loves so much as her brothers.

Tommen is her best friend as much as Joy will become later on. They had shared a nursery until three moons after Mother's death. Then Tommen is moved into the Heir chambers- the only room occupied on that side of the staircase in that particular hall- and she is moved onto the other side of the staircase. She's the sole occupant until Joy comes to live with them, and her room is right next to her's.

She still visits him every night, and she's unaware that Nurse Currel has given orders to the maids, guards, Septa and Tommen's new manservant, hired once they left the nursery- though Currel's official title is now Governess, because Lord Tywin says they're too old for nurses now- that they're to let this be. Hadn't they just lost their Mother, she asks? They should draw comfort where they could. The maids and Tommen's manservant, knowing of the coldness of Lord Tywin, cluck and agree. The guards don't care- it's easier to watch the two little Lannisters if they're in the same place, anyway.

(When they turn eight, Currel says they have to stop sleeping in each other's beds, under the same covers, and that they'll need to start leaving the door open as they get older, too. But Tommen is chosen to be Jaime's squire before it proves to be too much of an issue- and no matter how much she pleads with Father to let her go to court, too, _she'll be good please don't take her away from Tom please Father please_ , he tells her to sit down, that matters have already been decided, and _good_ Lannister girls listen to their fathers.)

Jaime, on the few occasions he comes home from Court, treats her in a way as if she's still three years old, giving her gifts and baubles galore, or like an actual princess- and he would know, as he is often the official guard of Princess Rhaenys or Princess Visenya, even though Ser Arthur Dayne guards his niece more often than not. 

But Jamie is always strangely distant with her in a way that he isn't with Tyrion and Tommen and especially not with Cersei. 

Jaime is good though, and he is kind, and there is a sadness in him. 

She asks him about it, once, when she is eight-nearly-nine years old and he comes to visit a month after taking Tommen away to be his squire, after Cersei and her children leave. (Cersei, who was upset that her youngest, Joffrey, hadn't been chosen as Jaime's squire, never minding the fact Joffrey was only five years old at this point and three years younger than Tom. Myrcella noticed that she never hardly ever brought Robert to The Rock, never once inquired whether or not Jaime might be willing to take on his two older nephews at once. In fact, Myrcella noticed that Cersei hardly spoke of Robin.) 

"Is it because you miss Cersei? Because I miss Tommen real bad." She'd enquired innocently, wrinkling her nose at the smell she could now describe as strongwine. 

She was sat upon his knee like Father would never let her do and Myrcella was struck by the sensation of Jaime looking at her. Really, _truly_ looking at her, looking through her, and to this day she's never quite sure if she measured up, if he'd found what he was looking for. 

"Yes," he said sadly, big green eyes that Myrcella felt shorted by not having full of misery, "it's because of Cersei."

It is Tyrion who is the balm to her soul as Tommen is ripped away from her. Her big little brother, he often says deprecatingly with a grin, has always loved her in a way Jaime could not, _would_ not (and Myrcella understands, because she has a twin too and could never love her other brothers like she loves Tommen), and after Mother's death it is Tyrion that Myrcella and Tommen go to when they are upset or in need of comfort. (It took only once for them to learn not to _ever_ disrupt Tywin Lannister with something so minor and meager again. The scraped knee Tommen had wanted cared for felt positively balmy once he was done getting his arse paddled, Tom had said.) 

She often wondered if it hurt Tyrion, to know Father had entered a marriage he had never wanted, just so that he might get another son not tied down by Kingsguard Vows and Tyrion would not inherit Casterly Rock as he should have rightfully. 

He does not live in Casterly Rock most of the time, but in a manse in Lannisport or King's Landing, even traveling to Braavos, running a business ( _whorehouses_ she hears whispered) until Father is called to Court, to serve as Master of Coin at Court. 

Then her big little brother moves back to The Rock; he is to act as Castellan with Uncle Kevan advising (overseeing, truthfully, reporting back to Father while he is away), and for all that Tom and she thought Father strict, as he reads Tyrion the riot act and tears into him, Myrcella can't help but think they don't even know what cold, cruel and callous mean when it comes to their Father, that they've only seen a puddle and called it an ocean. 

( _The Reynes of Castamere_ play ominously in her head.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should probably clarify the birth years!  
> I have Myrcella & Tommen born in 287AC, Sweetrobin born in 285AC, Joffrey born in 290AC & Joy (you'll meet her soon) born in 288AC. 
> 
> I basically just switched Robin and Joffrey's canon ages and birth years


	3. part of that world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Family. Duty. Honor.** Mother's voice in her head insists, and Myrcella is so confused, because it is her duty to honor her Father and his wishes, but surely it cannot be dutiful or honorable to ignore half of her family?

It is because of Tyrion that Myrcella firsts starts to talk with her Aunt Catelyn. 

She'd asked, once, as a small child, but Father had turned his cold green eyes on her and said she ought to write Cersei more instead. To write personal letters to anyone but a Lannister reeked of dishonesty, of _weakness_ , and that wouldn't do, would it? 

( _ **Family. Duty. Honor.** Mother's voice in her head insists, and Myrcella is so confused, because it is her duty to honor her Father and his wishes, but surely it cannot be dutiful or honorable to ignore half of her family?_ ) 

Myrcella had let the matter drop. 

But once Father had left for Court, her _brilliant_ big brother had showed her a gift she was unsure could ever be reciprocated. 

Apparently Mother had a code that she and her own sister used as children, and Mother had taught Tyrion that code during the terrible loneliness she endured in her years at The Rock, suffering miscarriage after miscarriage and stillborns and children that did not live past their first year until she eventually conceived Myrcella and Tommen and they lived.

It's a simple letter that she writes. She doesn't want to be turned away by her Aunt Catelyn for having waited so long to get in touch, for not being Tully enough to follow the simple missive that are their House words.

_**Dear Lady Aunt Catelyn,** _

_**I hope it's okay that I am writing- it's been three and a half years since Mother's death, and I miss her more and more every day.** _

_**I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. I was worried you wouldn't want me to.** _

_**Tommen- my twin- isn't here right now, he's in Kings's Landing with my brother Jaime, learning to be a knight! Tommen is the best twin or brother anyone could ever ask for. If he were here, though, I'm sure he would give you his regards as well.** _

_**I know Mother mentioned that I had one male cousin- and I was wondering if I have anymore? What are their names?** _

_**Please give my regards to my Uncle, Lord Eddard.** _

__**Warm Regards,  
** _Myrcella Lannister_ ,  
Daughter of The Rock 

Maester Pate promises to keep her secret; he even helps her develop her own seal and standard. Recalling Tommen's own- a gold lion on a blue field quartered with the Lannister sigil- she makes hers a blue lion on a gold field. 

She does not quarter it.

_You're as much a trout as a lion, there's as much blue in your veins as gold_ , Mother's voice whispers in her head.

This- subtle rebellion though it is- must be her way of reminding the world of that.

And though it feels like forever, when a raven comes from Winterfell with her name on the front, _Lady Myrcella Lannister, Daughter of The Rock_ , she cannot bring herself to open it for three days though she carries it with her everywhere and sleeps with it under her pillow. 

On the fourth day of it having arrived, she wakes up and cannot go back to sleep. Carefully peeling the direwolf seal off of the heavy parchment, she reads, 

**Dear Myrcella,**

I am so glad to hear from you. I think about you and your brother and your Mother every day. I miss Lysa dearly, and though I have only met you and Tommen once, when you were but the smallest of babes, I miss you both as well. 

I have five children- your Stark cousins were quite excited to read your letter. There is Robb, the eldest at two and ten. He is heir to Winterfell, as your Mother, Seven rest her soul, told you. Then there's Sansa, who is close to your age at ten years. After Sansa is Arya, who is also close to your age, at six. Then there's Brandon- who we call Bran- who is five, and baby Rickon, who is a few months old now. We also have a ward who lives with us- Theon Greyjoy, who is six and ten.

It must be an honor for Tommen to squire for his brother! Bran, upon hearing that his cousin was squiring with a member of the Kingsguard, immediately proclaimed that someday he, too, would squire with a great knight. Do you think Tommen would mind at some point maybe writing to Bran and Robb and telling them about it? Arya would probably love to hear about it as well. 

It was a joy to receive your letter, and I can only hope to receive many more. If your brother wishes to write, he is more than welcome to. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask.

Please feel free to call me Aunt Cat instead of Aunt Catelyn. All of my family calls me Cat.

 

Much Love,  
**Aunt Cat**  
Cousin Robb  
Cousin Sansa  
Cousin Arya  
Cousin Bran  
Cousin Rickon  
Uncle Ned

All of her cousins signed the the letter- except for Baby Rickon, who Aunt Cat must have signed for- and even Uncle Ned! 

Myrcella's heart tangles and expands almost painfully at the proof that there are people who love her who are not her brothers.


	4. flip the switch and watch them run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myrcella, feeling rather defiant, tosses her head back and chin up. "Because you took Tommen away. Because I am as much Tully as I am Lannister. Because I deserve to know my family. Because I have no court to let hear me roar so I instead must honor my duty to my family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: THERE IS CORPORAL PUNISHMENT AND VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN IN THIS CHAPTER.**
> 
>  
> 
> title is taken from _Emperor's New Clothes_ by Panic! at The Disco

Over the years, Myrcella exchanges hundreds of letters with her Stark family. She writes to them as a whole, she writes to each of them individually- even Baby Rickon, who cannot yet read- and she even writes to Theon Greyjoy, because he is interesting and disowned and without a family, for all the Starks treat him as such. 

It is Aunt Cat and Sansa that she writes to the most, though she may be tied for third, letter wise, with Arya, Robb and Bran, who she writes one big letter to, where she passes on Tommen's stories.

Father finds out about her letter writing two years after it starts. Myrcella is honestly surprised that it went undiscovered so long- Uncle Kevan had found out about it in the first few months, and apparently he'd left it unsaid. 

Father steeples his fingers together, looking at her with his cold green eyes as the letter lay between them. By the seal, Myrcella can tell that it's one from Aunt Cat simply relaying the status of the Starks and Winterfell. Probably a rather mundane letter, in truth, not like the ones she has stored in a loose floorboard under her bed that had once solely held love letters between someone called C & J. 

"Why?" Father asks quietly, his eyes not any less hard for speaking. 

Myrcella, feeling rather defiant, tosses her head back and chin up. "Because you took Tommen away. Because I am as much Tully as I am Lannister. Because I deserve to know my family. Because I have no court to let hear me roar so I instead must honor my duty to my family." 

She sounds impressively like Cersei and is rather proud of it; she'll be disgusted with herself later. 

"I see." Tywin leans back into his chair, staring at her for a moment before calling Uncle Kevan's son, Lancel, who is Father's squire, into the room. He whispers something into Lancel's ear, and Lancel nods hurriedly before rushing to follow orders like the Stranger is hot on his heel. 

Myrcella doesn't understand when he brings Joy in, doesn't understand why Joy is crying or why she is taking her clothes off until Lancel brings the whip and flogger. 

And then she understands. Joy, who's Lannister enough to bother bringing to Casterly Rock and acknowledging as Uncle Gerion's daughter but not Lannister enough that she's immune to Myrcella's actions like Myrcella herself is. 

Father could strike Myrcella a thousand times and she would never consider to stop writing Aunt Cat. And he knows that- so he goes after Joy, her best and _only_ friend, because Tommen is in King's Landing and as much as every strike on Joy's skin hurts Myrcella, it would hurt a thousand times worse if it had been Tommen. 

There is no discussion of her stopping, once Joy/Myrcella's punishment is done. Father just looks at them coldly and says, "Get out," not offering to let Joy get dressed. 

Her hurting, bleeding cousin is forced to walk to their chambers in naught but her linen shift that Lancel had hurried into her hands like a penance. 

"Bring me hot water, clean bandage linen and the Maester!" Myrcella barks at random servants as she passes them in the hall. "Have them brought to my room! Hurry!" 

Joy, who had been crying quietly, finally sobs out on the first step on the stairs before their chambers. 

Myrcella has just gotten Joy out of her sticky, bloody shift and laid her down on her belly when Maester Pate comes flying in the room. "Move aside, my Lady." He commands in the voice of a professional. 

She goes-not to leave Joy's side, never to leave her side, not after this- but to shut the door, only to find the door is gone. A quick check shows her the door to her room is gone, too. 

_There are no Gods at Casterly Rock but Tywin Lannister, and you will not have any secrets from him,_ Myrcella knows is the message. 

She will worry about doors and privacy later, though. For now the Maester asks for her help and she gives it, gladly, letting only a few tears slip as Joy is bandaged and stitched where some of the deeper wounds require. 

She will never be able to show Joy how sorry she is, except to stop writing Aunt Cat and Uncle Ned and Robb and Sansa and Arya and Bran and Baby Rickon and Theon.

* * *

Father comes later that night (as she knew he would) as she writes furiously from Joy's bedside to Tommen. He arches a cool eyebrow. "Surely you couldn't have unlearned the lesson from this afternoon so quickly?" 

Myrcella does not look up, just keeps writing, though slower. "I'm not quite sure 'lesson' is what I would call it. And I write to Tommen. Or do you intend to take away that part of my family, too? I figured he'd be alright, since he's a Lannister and all." 

"Watch your tongue, girl." 

"I thought it was my words you wanted watching, Father, I'm confused. Aren't you supposed to _Hear Me Roar_?" 

There is nothing but silence for a long time. When Myrcella finally dares to look up, she sees him staring at her, the letter from Aunt Cat dangling between his fingers, seal broken, obviously read.

His piercing eyes meet hers, and he lays down the letter on Joy's vanity. "You may keep writing to your Aunt and her family." There is silence for a moment, and she does not take her eyes off of him, because she knows he's not done speaking. 

"Do not attempt to keep secrets from me again. Or it will be worse for her." 

With Father's face as cold as she imagined it was when he eliminated the Reynes and Tarbecks root and stem, he leaves. 

Myrcella waits until his footsteps have long faded before even reaching for the letter. 

She understands, when she reads it, as Aunt Cat writes of Sansa- thirteen and truely lovely, Myrcella has no doubt, she has heard whispers of it even this far south- and of her betrothal to Prince Aegon. 

Sure this is what spurred Father to allow her to write, she almost misses the phrase- _King Rhaegar has insisted that Aegon take a second wife, thougg he refuses to wed either of his sisters; and our prince holds such a fond regard for Sansa that he wants her help choosing such, it's even part of their betrothal contract_.

And then she truly understands Father's motives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here this tale ends, the year 298. Myrcella is now 11. 
> 
> Don't worry, we'll hear more from Myrcella. And Joy. 
> 
> also this is the first story I've completed AHHHHHH!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you need a mental picture of what Myrcella and Tommen look like, picture Myrcella as Diana Agron and Tommen as William Moseley


End file.
